Something I wrote a few months ago

When you promise me something, don't break it
If you don't really mean it, don't fake it.

Because honestly I can't take it
I'm fed up with this shit
I'm trying to do me and do you
Which lately you've been makin hard to do

Sometimes I need you
(I mean really need you)
Let my feelings show through.
I know you miss staying up all night
Talking
But babe we can't talk if you don't call me

So if you dare to fight
Tell me now - where's that call?
It's already nine at night.

:\

Just keeps inching closer and closer, and I keep getting this increasing feeling of dread. Um.
Went shopping today at Macy's and got two really cute dresses...yes.
Very nervous about flight day -> next Sunday morning.

Nostalgia keeps kickin in.

Been thinkin bout you lately.
I kind of wish I could forget...:(

Best zoo trip everrrr!

Went to the Bronx Zoo today with Mike :) So much fun!! I just wish we weren't in such a rush at the end. I would have liked some time to relax afterwards...and...maybe makeout a little bit. Okay moving on. It was kind of anticlimactic since I've sorta gone recently (with people I don't wish to name) but that was a little fact I chose to omit...It's all good. Haha, I can't believe how much fun we had today without spending a dime of our own money! I love my boyfriend. We have so much fun together. He's my partner in crime with things like this...
Next week I suggested the Museum of Natural History in NYC, which we'd have to pay about 12-13$ each for the round-trip train ride, plus maybe subway fare. Howeverrrr the hubs is really hooked on the idea of either a water park (waaaay out of our budget unfortunately) or Playland...which, you know, is Playland...could be better, could be worse. But since I'd go with him I think it'd tip the scales in a better way :) I'm so cheesy. Five minutes later I'll be a bitch again...but that's why I have to enjoy my cheesy lovey-dovey buddy happiness while it lasts. Hah.
Anyyywayyyy...best pics from the day are in the below post...enjoyyy. Well, whoever reads this thing, enjoy. Who am I talking to besides myself?!

This is definitely one of my best summers so far...(pics)

Sweet love quotes

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

- Aristotle

Love that is not madness is not love.

- Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Take away love and our earth is a tomb.

- Robert Browning

The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love.' It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life.

- Lydia M. Child

To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever.

- Henry Drummond

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

- Zora Neale Hurston

Love is my religion - I could die for it.

- John Keats

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

- Tom Robbins

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

- Mother Teresa

LUCY!!

FINALLY got some pics up of Lucy! I think she's getting ready to molt for the second time (since Mike and I have had her). She's all crusty brown but it doesn't look unhealthy or anything...it looks like a papery brown layer surrounding her normal healthy green body. Also looks like a piece of clothing that's too tight on a kid, like she's gonna burst out of it or something. She also keeps hanging from this twig upside down. She's a little more than two inches long now, and there's beginnings of wings growing out of her back :) Also...I say HER because I *want* her to be a she...but we honestly can't tell yet. Hopefully tomorrow morning I'll have another update of her bigger and greener!

"First Love", Goapele

As summer was ending, you were walking in
It seemed my life was falling
but in this season we were friends
six days into spring, is where our story begins
you didn't rush a thing,
but you knew you would win

I never thought you'd be the only one
I dreamt of fairy tales ,thats how we begun
but I was waiting for some magical moment,
that would prove to me, forever would be fine,
meanwhile my first love, was standing first in line

One of the first times I didn't feel alone,
Is when i was in your arms
you always made me feel at home
we watched the sunrise,cause the night had slipped away
and from then until now, we've been through some different phases
but you love the winter, love the challenge,
always managed to think that we would make it

So let me get used to things, cause gradual's my name
I don't dive into the cold, I get in slow
but every day, I'm making peace with loving you,
peace with being me
any pieces of us-
I claim them all today

...

wanna escape.
wanna get the hell out of this place.
smoky skies slitted eyes sad face.

"Take Me", Teedra Moses ft. Raphael Saadiq

Take me
Back 2 the day when you made me fall
I want 2 go, Iwant 2 go
Make me feel like you did
The very first time we ever touched
I want 2 go let just go

[Teedra]
Winter's here
Ain't I ain't mad about it
I just wanna lay with you in the late nights getting warm
We find less and less time 2 get 2gether
But that ther's whatever
See 2night is for you and I yeah
We gotta take it back 2night

(I want 2 go)
(I want 2 go)
Make me feel like you did
The very first time we ever touched
I want 2 go lets just go

[Raphael]
The place of used to be
I still part of me
And I'm so fortunate lady

that you still need a piece of me
and I know that your waiting see
I'm only down town
Y a know I roll alone girl
I'm never with a crowd

[Chorus]

[Teedra and Raphael]
And I know I can get crazy
Say things I don't mean
But in all my frustration
I'm just trynna make you see
I'm still here for you
My love won't let it die
I know it's been awhile baby but
I need you 2 take me there 2night

Baby won't u take me 2night
Because my heart
Really needs you

[Chorus]

[Teedra and Raphael]
And I know I can get crazy
Say things I don't mean
But in all my frustration
I'm just trynna make you see
I'm still here for you
My love won't let it die
I know it's been awhile baby but
I need you 2 take me there 2night

Yay

Okay. I like this version. More customized. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't stand having a website without it being properly customized by me. Doesn't even matter if the layout's simple as hell, it just needs an image and colors that I've made up. Weird girl. Lol. And yeah, I think I'm officially a freakin insomniac...It's definitely 2:22 AM right now. Ridiculous. This is why I woke up at 2:30 PM yesterday...sigh...
PS, I might have a domain sometime soon!! According to my cousin at PaulCollegio.net, my old domain Aerogirl.net (which he hosted) should still be active...so as soon as I get the login info from him, I'm back on track with the digital stuff :) The only thing is, I don't know what I'm doing anymore with HTML. It's pathetic, really. I had to look up about a million things when I was prepping the template for its new layout. WTF, how embarassing! Well, whatever. Now I just have to figure out what kind of content I'm gonna put up...and I'm going to change the name of the site, too...It's gonna be called "Flight" (And my blog here is called "Flightblog", get it!? Ok corny). Sigh. I don't know why I wanna keep posting when I don't have too much to say. I guess I have to learn how to write without really saying anything again. Hah.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

!!!!! Under Construction!!!!

lmfao.

Sigh.

Woke up at 12:30 PM today...bought crickets for the Praying Mantis (yes, my boyfriend and I have a pet Praying Mantis), did laundry, then went to the beach around 4:30 with Mike, Carissa and her kids. Ok, let me just say...I have absolutely nothing against his sister...besides the fact that everytime I chill with her she seems to want to start shit. It's not even outward instigation, it's like, subliminal mental prodding. She's just like "OH...I have this BOYFRIEND down south...you know..." and just exchanging little secrets with Mike behind my back. Maybe it's immature of me to take it even slightly offensive...but come ON. She's 32. Mike is 24. I'm 19. He's MY boyfriend, and yes it's nice that you want to spend time with him and everything, but stop. Trying. To consume him. When you're together. You're older, and should be on a different level of maturity. Get your own life. I don't know what the fuck she thinks she's doing but she needs to fuckin stop. It's so hard to put into words...it's like she's brainwashing him and trying to make him her little buddy...and it drives me CRAZY because Mike loves her to pieces, as he should since she's his sister, but she's such a terrible role model...UGH. At least she didn't exclude me when that...thing...Nicole came around. She's a whole different story, and I don't even think I want to get into it now. At least now she sees that I'm family, and she'll never be (Nicole). As if it wasn't obvious enough...
Ugh. And Mike is like, "Why you got an attitude??" He went to the beach in the first place 'to spend time with his family', and he got sad when I said I probably wasn't gonna make it. Then when I actually decide to show up, I try and step back and let him spend time with his family and shut my mouth so I don't aggravate him, and he claims I have an attitude!! DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! I can never win!! Ugh!!
Whatever. I guess I needed to get that out.
And on top of all this bullshit, someone deleted me from their Myspace friendslist...not sure how I feel about that...but hey you gotta do what you gotta do...right...:(
I really gotta let that go...

I'm such a bitch!

Why do I do this to myself? Why do we get into such silly fights? Well honestly, I'm stubborn, and I question my motives after the fact...but I know if I had the choice I'd do exactly the same thing over again. Stupid bitch. It is pretty childish to let someone so...not on my level...affect how I act and lower my confidence and everything. Well, she doesn't lower my confidence, she just makes me angry because by even acknowledging her presence he allows her to disrespect me in a way. Is that weird? I don't know. I just feel as if it's a form of disrespect, letting her 'win' in a way. Perhaps I really am being immature. Um, well, it's a full moon tonight, can I use that excuse!?
Ok, maybe not. Good night. :)~

Let it out and let it in

I forgot how much I completely LOVE The Beatles :) Suddenly, music is completely my therapy. I don't know. I'm so content just chillin here listening to the Beatles. No joke. So great. :)

NEW iPOD

OMG NEW PINK NANO IPOD OMG

Omg.

So so so tired

I've rediscovered my love of Coldplay...I downloaded their new album Viva La Vida after hearing and falling in LOVE with their new single of the same name. So goooood. I haven't put in any heavy listening yet, but I plan to, and I'll keep you updated. I also snatched the new album by M.I.A., Kala, off of which comes that wonderful single "Paper Planes" that keeps popping up everywhere.
Anyway, besides musically, my life has gone on since I last posted. I spent quality time with my mother from Saturday morning through Sunday afternoon since she's still been down in the dumps about the whole flight delay thing. She's gotten better though. I, however, have caught a case. I DO NOT. WANT. TO DEPART WITHOUT HER! And I'm not happy with the idea of me spending a week without her there. Plus the fact I have to spend a night in Manila after the flight in. There's a few reasons why I'm not liking this whole situation...the main ones being that she's my travel buddy and I've never traveled alone, I can't stand Manila, I'm afraid of not having fun without her (yeah, I know, it's weird but I feel like I won't) and I'm just nervous. My Aunt Nene is meeting me at Manila Int'l Airport but STILL!! I'm pretty nervous. But I do think I'll end up going instead of changing my flight to match hers. No matter how selfish it may be, I still want my full vacation, dammit.
Can't wait to see this new iPod Mike's been scoping out for me...hmm. I know I'm gonna regret that I erased all the songs from the one I've got now and put only a few on. I really am...wtf.
I hope I remember to drop by the hospital tomorrow. Blah. I should get some sleep. REALLY I should. I think I'm gonna read a little and then pass out.
OH before I forget - Mike and I have adopted a lil pet praying mantis whom we've named Lucy (initial naming attempt was Brutus but she seems to be showing some feminine characteristics) and after numerous unsuccessful attempts at provoking her to dine on massive grasshoppers, carpenter ants and fruit flies, we have finally been victorious with baby crickets that we purchased from Petland today. The initial count was 20...I think it's more like 15 now...hehe. He called a little while ago and updated me; apparently she's on a feeding frenzy and she seems to be way more active and healthy. Yay :) She really cheers me up. I don't know what it is about Lucy but I really love that creature.
Good night...

"Warning Sign", Coldplay

A warning sign
I missed the good part then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in, Ive gotta tell you what a state Im in
Ive gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so

A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in,Ive gotta tell you what a state Im in
Ive gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

And the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
I miss you so
And Im tired
I should not have let you go

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms.

Good little housewife

Just made my mama breakfast - turkey bacon, pancakes, eggs, tea. Tried to cheer her up. I haven't slept a wink all night because I've been empathizing like CRAZY. I just can't get her depressed mood out of my head :( Hopefully that cheered her up, though. Seems like it did her good. Now, hopefully I have enough energy to go fishing at 10AM...Damn...I haven't pulled an all-nighter in a WHILE.

this is getting pathetic!!

STILL HERE AT 5:04 AM WTF

Addendum to a sleepless night

For the record, yes, I've spent the last three days at Mike's. I loved Mike before I met Bobby, I loved him while I was with Bobby, I loved him after I left Bobby. I've never stopped loving him. The walls were/are necessary. This is my Scorpionic plague. My defense mechanisms. They have protected me but they also hurt me. It is difficult for me to trust again. I have to learn how all over.
Yes, I hurt Bobby for the THIRD! time. Yes, I hope to God it is done with for both our sakes. I still follow his actions on myspace and facebook like a silly schoolgirl but I'm trying to wean myself off of that. It's merely the helpless repetitive actions of boredom, monotony that keeps driving me to check his sites. I don't know. Ridiculous.
I keep writing because I am stupidly pointlessly awake. With nothing to do. I should read, considering I have two wonderful books waiting for me. Need to crack one of them before I have to fucking return them. Jesus I'm retarded. I'm going fishing in the morning and yet here I am, 4:30 in the fucking morning, writing in my blogger that I just created and am so INCONSISTENT with! I'm such a silly little girl. You know, I found these diaries I kept when I was like, 12 and 15. So. WEIRD. To read what I wrote and see how I thought back then. Blast from the past. Embarassing for the most part. Made me feel a little nostalgic for the rest. Sigh. I don't know.
I feel funny for some reason. Maybe it's the dizzying effects of my lack of sleep...maybe it's my teetering-off-the-edge, heightened emotional state...I just feel...hypersensitive. IDK what that's supposed to mean.

I think I just need some sleep...

I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP.

This is absolutely ridiculous.
I've spent the entire night trying to turn on the GPRS Web on Mike's cellphone, stalking random people on Facebook, biting my nails like a crackfiend, being unconsolably worried about my mother and her depressed mood and recent developments with daddy's impending operation, and filling out random surveys on Myspace. I've gotta stop looking at a certain person's profile. It's not doing either of us any good. Ridiculous.
It just makes me feel like a complete idiot. But honestly, come on. I knew I couldn't turn my back on what I knew to be love.
I sound like a hypocrite. I hate sounding like something I hate. Petpeevepetpeevepetpeeve. Kept spelling that wrong. UGGHHHH. I hate biting my nails, they're uncomfortably short. It's dark and I can't type. WHATDAFUCK.
And yet I still bite.
Story of my liiiiifeeeee...