Addendum to a sleepless night

For the record, yes, I've spent the last three days at Mike's. I loved Mike before I met Bobby, I loved him while I was with Bobby, I loved him after I left Bobby. I've never stopped loving him. The walls were/are necessary. This is my Scorpionic plague. My defense mechanisms. They have protected me but they also hurt me. It is difficult for me to trust again. I have to learn how all over.
Yes, I hurt Bobby for the THIRD! time. Yes, I hope to God it is done with for both our sakes. I still follow his actions on myspace and facebook like a silly schoolgirl but I'm trying to wean myself off of that. It's merely the helpless repetitive actions of boredom, monotony that keeps driving me to check his sites. I don't know. Ridiculous.
I keep writing because I am stupidly pointlessly awake. With nothing to do. I should read, considering I have two wonderful books waiting for me. Need to crack one of them before I have to fucking return them. Jesus I'm retarded. I'm going fishing in the morning and yet here I am, 4:30 in the fucking morning, writing in my blogger that I just created and am so INCONSISTENT with! I'm such a silly little girl. You know, I found these diaries I kept when I was like, 12 and 15. So. WEIRD. To read what I wrote and see how I thought back then. Blast from the past. Embarassing for the most part. Made me feel a little nostalgic for the rest. Sigh. I don't know.
I feel funny for some reason. Maybe it's the dizzying effects of my lack of sleep...maybe it's my teetering-off-the-edge, heightened emotional state...I just feel...hypersensitive. IDK what that's supposed to mean.

I think I just need some sleep...